Death Unexpected

I used to work at a Dialysis Center. I have a Medical Assistant's degree.  I absolutely loved the years I worked there because the staff was like family and I got to know a lot of my patients very well since they had to come in three times a week for 2-4 hour shifts.  For some reason lately a lot of my favorite patients have been coming to my mind quite often...unfortunately they have all died.

I was pregnant with my youngest child, Dakota when my most favorite patient died.  I was only 29 yrs old at the time and Jim was in his 30's.  Most of our patients were elderly so anytime there was a young one it really touched our hearts.  Jim was a stand-up comic.  I remember the excitement in his eyes/voice when he was able to meet CarrotTop when he came to perform in our city.

Jim was working on new material for his own comedy show - and he was using the dialysis center as his source.  We were constantly laughing at the stuff he came up with!  I came into work one morning and made my rounds within the center then told the Head Nurse I was going to dash over to the hospital to visit Jim who had had knee surgery the day before.  She pulled me to the side and informed me that Jim had sleep apnea and that combined with the pain meds they had given him after surgery caused him to die during the night.  I couldn't believe what I was hearing...I was absolutely devastated!  I am thankful for the memories I have of Jim and the constant chuckles he provided.

My job evolved into many different functions/responsibilities the longer I worked at the Clinic. One of my responsibilities was interviewing new patients, getting a history put together, and going over the process of dialysis and what to expect, etc.  I normally saw new patients when they were feeling at their very worst and thinking their life was about to end...once they had a few treatments they started feeling better and realized how important their treatments were.  I remember one elderly couple who came to see me the morning before the husband was to begin his treatments.  He was sick as a dog and she was so quiet and fearful of what this next chapter in their lives was going to bring.  I went through the entire interview as usual and explained how he would probably be feeling better after a couple of treatments and I can remember the sadness in their eyes. He had been sick for so long and she was hurting for him.  That afternoon she watched him get hooked up to the machine and once he was comfortable she decided to go to the hospital cafeteria to grab some lunch while she waited.  Shortly after she left, her husband coded on the machine and died right there in the unit.  It still brings tears to my eyes now when I remember the look of sadness in his wife's eyes as she came back to the unit and was taken away to be told her husband had just died.  I can't imagine the grief and despair she must have been going through.

The last patient was a woman, Marie, who was a feisty old woman...and an atheist.  She and her husband were really the nicest couple but she ruled him with an iron fist. He was a little scrawny man, quiet but funny! He used to come in my office and sit and chat while she was getting her treatments. The reason I bring up the fact that she was an atheist is because that was a huge part of her being - she would talk to anybody who would listen about her beliefs and she got into many a discussion with those of us who were Christians.  What I remember most about her is the day she died.  She died in the unit, hooked up to the machine and as she was dying/fighting for every last breath she had a look of sheer terror on her face and she kept reaching out in front of her.  I had seen lots of people die and nobody had reacted like that before...I didn't understand it.  Later after things had calmed down and gotten back to business as usual I asked one of our nurses why Marie had reacted like that when she was dying...her response "that woman was being pulled to hell as she died and she realied what a mistake she had made."  I will never forget that look of terror!